What ever happened to Speaking in Plain English?

February 5, 2008

The need pontificate in silly, arcane, language is alive and well and still spouted by corporate giants for corporate giants. It is embraced, evangelized and even rewarded at the top corporate ranks and right there leading the charge are the high flying marketing giants rolling out a consistent flow of language that absolutely no one can understand.

The following snippet is actually taken verbatim from a current, big time, cutting edge internet marketing firm – renamed with a fictitious moniker to protect the guilty:

“What makes Fancy Pants, LLC unique is our ability to synergistically combine many areas of digital marketing expertise to deliver exceptional solutions for our clients.”

What does that mean? I mean really, this is a big company with ostensibly some of the most talented and well paid people in the industry creating marketing language for some of the largest companies in the world…and that is how they describe what they do?

I can just imagine how a consult with these guys might go:

Me: So how could you help my company with marketing?
Fancy Pants, LLC: Well, we can synergistically combine many areas of digital expertise.
Me: So I need that?
FP: Indeed, to truly measure velocity it is critical to unite strategy, insight, creativity and technology.
Me: And what exactly does that do for me?
FP: It will give you the ability to radically transform your business to deliver exceptional solutions.
Me: So, can you just sum it up for me?
FP: Reaching your customers in today’s complex environment requires relevant interactions at every stage from awareness to conversion and retention. We unite strategy, insight, creativity and technology with rigorous program management to create integrated, interactive solutions. Consequently our solutions resonate with your customers to produce measurable success.
Me: Thank you, that was very informative.

Huh??

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